Pecked to Death…by a Duck

Do not let yourself be surrounded by people who will peck you to death like a duck. If you allow yourself to be around people and they show you who they are and you refuse to believe it, they will each time they enter into your space, take a little piece of your soul. By the end of your encounter with them you are less then who you were meant to be. -Maya Angelo

I used to find myself in these types of ‘relationships’. People in my life, that after spending any amount of time with them, always left me drained, sometimes angry and all too often frustrated at the time I had given to a relationship that somehow left me… less.

Sometimes those people were my closest friends, or a family member, making saying no to their invite of time together incredibly hard. And yet, each time I was with them, I came away with a little less of my soul.

I would find myself replaying the conversation, wondering if I had somehow fed into how I felt. Maybe I had helped create the storm. But as I have aged, and hopefully gotten a little wiser, I have begun to realize that there were some people in my life, that took much more from me then they ever gave back, sometimes at the cost of who I was meant to be.

No one else could be blamed for me feeling that way. There was no person “making” me feel those feelings. As Maya stated, they had shown me who they were over and over and yet I continued to give them space in my life and my heart.

Minimalism doesn’t just have to do with the clutter of stuff. It can be about things, people, time, energy and head space. And sometimes the hardest things to ‘downsize’ are the cluttered relationships we find ourselves in. We know they aren’t healthy for us. We know the person can’t be trusted so we spend our time with them guarding our words and our stories. We leave feeling diminished, sad and hurt, having hoped this time would be different. We have memories of how things used to be and a dream that person might return.

Evaluating all the aspects of your life can be challenging. Much more difficult then deciding to minimize your closet or your kitchen gadgets, minimizing time spent with a long time friend because they are not good for your soul, can take effort and can be heart wrenching. “Unfriending” a family member can create lasting ripples. Saying no to the invite for coffee can be sad and create anger in others.

So, here is what I have learned about minimalism as it pertains to the clutter in some relationships. The people I want to have in my life build me up. They hold my hand when I cry or when I’m scared or on a roller coaster ride! When I see their name come up on my cell, I smile as I answer and I feel blessed and loved when they choose to spend their precious time with me. I leave time with them feeling as if I have learned, grown and given equally back to the friendship I have received.

We all have limited hours. I want mine to be filled with the people and the things I love. Not things that just fill space or have little meaning. And I definitely don’t want things or people in my life who in the end, make me less that I was destined to be.

I am so grateful to have my best friend as my husband, grown children that I adore as adults, friends that make time for me on a rainy Saturday afternoon and family that has stood by me and made me feel more loved than I ever dreamed possible. These are those that at the end of the day, always feed my soul. Sadly, I have lost some people along the way. And while I sometimes remember the good times and wish things had been different, I want to be all I was intended to be. My whole soul intact, living my best life every day.

Let me know what you think about minimalism as it pertains to relationships or share a story of one that you enjoy and helps you be who you were destined to be.

Thanks for reading.

~rache

Grateful

When the dust starts to settle the view becomes crystal clear. I’m not going to fib …the last few months have been a whirl wind.

A new job, a sold house, a move, downsizing and the wonder filled news of a new grand baby. Whew… that was quite a run.

The ironic part is, I don’t think its quite over. We’ll see, but for now things have settled a bit and it feels like it would be a good time to just sit back quietly for a minute and be grateful.

Gratitude. Taking a moment or many moments in a row to just reflect on life and all the things that have gone so well. From the deck of our new place, as the sun starts to peek over the foothills my heart fills with love and peace and gratitude for so many things.

We celebrated our wedding anniversary recently and I was reminded of how grateful I am that he is in my life and even more so that we are sharing this life together. All the cliche’s seem…well cliche’ but what a gift to be married to someone you respect, someone who challenges you and the one who will forever be the best friend. We laugh together and still talk for hours every week. We share idea’s and thoughts and this journey to who knows where! And, there is no one else on the planet I’d rather do that with.

I’m grateful for change and for the beautiful places I get to enjoy living. I never dreamed this would be my life. Just a girl from a very small town in Oregon, living a dream she didn’t even know she had. Oh the adventure we’re on.

I could list the things my heart is grateful for today and none of it would be a surprise:

Kids and their kids. I’m so proud of all of them and how hard they work and how well they love. Its a great blessing to like your adult children.

Hope for the future and a contentment that I have rarely known in my life. Being loved and loving. People in my life who pour in to me simply because they love me.

Sunrises and sunsets. Breakfast with new friends and lunch with old ones. Giggles of the young and deep sighs of contentment as those around me age. And the knowledge that this life is a grand adventure that I am blessed to be on.

Oh what a life. I am incredibly grateful.

What have you noticed lately that you’re grateful for? I look forward to hearing your gratitude’s.

~rache

Kayaks

Since the very first time I met him I have known that MP enjoys the outdoors, specifically camping, hiking and kayaking.
One of our first over-nighters was a run to Stanley where we spent both mornings on the water and both evenings near the camp fire.

We’ve kayaked all the local ponds and many of the lakes and he once went to Glacier park with a friend and spent a couple days on the icy water there. We’ve had lots of good talks in them, one pretty good argument and lots of memories of the stillness of mornings as the sun started over snow capped mountains.

Once, on a cold May morning I dumped my kayak in a icy cold lake in northern Idaho and MP still gives me grief about that now and again. Man was I cold.

We’ve taken great adventures and made great memories in those kayaks.

Part of downsizing has been having to make choices about what we are keeping and what we are parting with. MP has blogged about our journey at MiddleAgeMark.com too, but all along we have both had to make decisions about what is important to us.

We decided the kayaks needed to be sold about a month ago. They were taking up a lot of room in the storage unit which we had agreed to get rid of by months end and last weekend we spent most of a day cleaning it out and making decisions about the rest of what was in it. The kayaks were bulky and took up too much room and we hadn’t used them in two seasons.

With plans to spend as much time as possible in our baby house in Mesa and lots of our future summers in Florida on a catamaran, it seemed like time to let the kayaks go. So MP posted them and they sold within days.

Just another of our adventures in downsizing and minimizing. MP said the guy who bought them had plans for he and his wife to use them locally. Kayaks should be used, often. I’m glad they will be in the water again soon, and I’m also glad we aren’t storing them any longer. Sometimes the hardest part is just making a decision. After that, acting on it comes easily.

Next weekend we will finish cleaning out the storage unit and cancel it. That is going to feel amazing and also mean that that part of the journey is finished. It means the process of moving is officially over.

Bring on the next adventure.

~rache

Old Photo’s and Echoing Dreams

On occasion I write more along the lines of poetic journaling then as an informational blog post. Below is one of my experiences in downsizing our home and the emotional balancing act of choosing what to keep and why.

The large 16×20 photo looks like something out of a 1970’s Home and Gardens magazine. Each child posed perfectly by the unseen photographer. Her in a pale-yellow dress, long hair down her back and a large matching bow atop her head.

His dark hair a contrast to everything light about her. His eyes ebony and his smile a little unsure. These two children loved each other deeply already. Him just 10 months and her almost 5 they had been together for all but the first 4 days of his life.

“How would you like to get a brother today?” the lady on the other end of the phone asked. I’ll never forget that call. So much hope. So many adventures. Such unforeseen heartache.

The photo had been in the garage atop a pile of other things for two weeks. What to do with a photo like that?

Keep it? For what? Who else would want it? No one. Throw it away? Oh Lord, what would our mother say?

I saw it each time I came home from work and each morning as I left. It made my heart hurt a little every time. What am I supposed to do with that big, outdated photo of two kids who haven’t spoken in years?

“You are no longer those children” my heart realized one afternoon. “And that is why you ache at the thought of throwing it away”.

How nice it would be to be those two kids again, loving each other. Playing together. Each liking who the other was.

But that time is past now. And while the memory is sweet, the photo is faded and the two children portrayed no longer exist.

The ache remains after having thrown the photo away. But it had never really been about the picture. It was always about the loss of each to the other and the shattered dreams of the people they had hoped they would be.

Holidays like Halloween (Is it really even a holiday?)

I started writing a post about Christmas and gifts and what our family does (which I’ll post a little later) but while writing I realized we do a pretty cool thing for Halloween as well. And believe it or not, this tradition was started prior to realizing a more minimal way of living.

Each Fall, some of the adults in our family gather the babies (anyone under 16 qualifies) and we go to the pumpkin patch. We go on a Saturday morning and we drink some cider, eat some of those baby donuts, and we wander around looking at all the goats and pigs and ponies. We have been known to take the kids down a slide or take cute photos as they come around in the kids sized train. Whatever we do, it seems to always result is someone covered in hay.

But the real reason for going is for the pumpkins. We get a couple large wagons and we begin the trek through the pumpkin patch looking for the perfect ones to either carve or decorate. We inspect dozens and buy almost as many. Big ones, round ones, tall ones, white ones and of course, baby ones. (And the occasional gourd too!)

The next day, the entire family gets together for carving, painting or decorating along with pizza and football. We’ve been doing this tradition for about 8 years now and it marks one of my favorite times of year and family events.

The reason I wanted to share this is that it is perfect for those of us who have downsized or are choosing a more minimal lifestyle. The pumpkins make great decorations and fun family entertainment, and when the season is over they are bio-degradable and do not need storing! Each person can decorate or carve however they want to, encouraging creativity even with the slimy insides and in the end no closet space will be needed to store it. Win!

For a holiday that I might say I’m not a huge fan of (mostly because the concept of buying candy to give to strangers so my kids can go to a strangers and ask for candy never really made sense to me) I do enjoy this family tradition that not only allows for fun family time, it also affirms our dedication to minimalism.

What does your Halloween look like? Any ghoulish idea’s for fun filled, minimal impact, decorating or dressing up? Please share.

Happy Fall everyone! See you at the pumpkin patch.

~rache